Mary, It is heartbreaking. Surely a relationship where your sig other made you give up a parrot you would cry over losing could never make the long haul…

Unfortunately one of those happened when I was moving and wearing sandals. I’m usually very careful, but I’d really smashed my foot. She picked up “OW F—!” after one hearing and continues it a year later. (By “continue” I mean yelling it at the top of her lungs from the balcony.) I do not react to it unless I’m in the other room where she can’t see me, and I allow myself a laugh. She learned “Stand up! Stand up! dammit” in a similar way (long story, but it did NOT involve me having too much to drink!) That one turned into “Step up dammit!” and faded after a year or so (thank goodness — really, this is not how I train a step up). But OW-F is one she gets into different intonations of, which is what she does with the vocalizations she uses the most.

Piper on the other hand tends to pick up words and phrases he hears a lot that refer to things we see or do. Instead of riffing on them and altering them, he practices them so they are clearer mimics. I can see those fading out if he didn’t hear them any longer. But if a word or phrase is one that is inherently “fun” to do, it might take quite some time.

My suspicion though is that the Grey living with the distressed girlfriend is merely saying something s/he heard a lot, not something that’s especially vocally rewarding.

Still, it made me sad that the guy acquiesced to his new girlfriend and surrendered his bird. He was crying when he left. I’ve always wondered if he felt it was worth it.

The purpose of most learned vocalizations is reaction, which is communicating, right? So you’re right. The people are surely reinforcing it. (And I suspect the boyfriend because although the bird would be annoying, it is surely the BOYFRIEND whose attitude and reactions to whole thing are pissing the new girlfriend off. Ten bucks says she’s not mad at the bird, she’s mad at her boyfriend, really.)

Screaming is a different story of course… that is usually a long train by the time it gets out of hand with tons of reinforcement. And its difficult to ignore and so very difficult not to reinforce once it gets started.

With phrases though, I know of several parrots who have had certain things they say quickly weeded out of their vocabulary. Shaping vocal behaviors is a cinch if you pay attention…

Because the parrot learned a behavior by modeling on the ex, I’m gonna guess it’s bonded to Michael–so giving it away would be cruel. The quickest way to peace in that household may be to reframe the whole thing: The current girlfriend needs to take each utterance as the parrot saying S/HE (are we sure it’s a him?) loves Michael. Then, unless the girlfriend feels threatened by a 1-1/2-lb. bird, all should be well.

As for visitation, if the bird is bonded to Michael, she isn’t missing the ex and doesn’t need visitation. It is the ex who will need to move on–hard for her, but there it is.

My two cents.