Paris' new grey parrot
I realize that you have already chosen a new BFF and I was never possibly going to be a contender anyway. But Girlfriend, you have GOT to call me. That parrot isn’t a plaything. I know you were smitten by Joey McFarland’s parrot, Smokey. And I understand that meeting an amazing grey parrot makes you want to rush off and buy one, like you did yesterday. (Right after meeting Smokey, in fact.. although I know its been on your mind for a few weeks.) Heck, I understand. We parrot people don’t want to admit it, but most of us have added a parrot to our flock on impulse, but you have to promise me, PROMISE ME, that you’ll do your homework.
Here are five quick tips to get you started:
- African greys likely live 60 years. So please don’t teach it to say “that’s hot” or anything else that will become outdated, annoying and is likely to make the poor bird impossible to place in a new home. (Including cursing) I wish you the best, but just in case you plan on “leaving a beautiful corpse” you should make sure he remains a desirable companion.
- African greys are prone to plucking. Do not buy it designer clothes when this happens. Even if he does look “hot”, dressing him up won’t help. Get him to a vet and consult a behaviorist. In fact, do this right away and start doing all the work to make sure you never have to consider covering up his ratty feathers with designer hoodies.
- African greys are prone to calcium deficiency. I know you’re not a big fan of eating, but make sure your new parrot gets a huge variety of healthy food. The phrase “eat like a bird” may apply to you, but not your parrot.
- African greys are more charming when they aren’t your own. I’ll admit, that guy looks pretty awesome on your hand, but without a lot of interaction and mindfulness to appropriate behavior he is likely to bite you, chew on other things he shouldn’t and pick up horribly annoying noises that make hangovers even more hellacious.
- Not all greys are Alex. Alex started out as an exceptional bird and only reached avian mensa status with a great deal of training. In fact, Alex was trained by a woman who is a likely a genius in her own right. Hours of working with Dr. Pepperberg or the Dr.’s proteges in the lab are what made him amazing. It takes a genius to train a genius and well, um …never mind. Dr. Pepperberg is pretty, but you’re way hotter.
So have your people gather up every bit of parrot information they can and give you the Cliff Notes. Then make sure they are scheduled to give him plenty of enrichment, interaction and that everyone who goes near him completely understands positive reinforcement. Better yet, call me. I’ll buy you a cosmo and I’LL give you the Cliff Notes. And you can meet my grey parrot of 15 years, because well, your parrot may be hot, but my parrot is HUGE.
[...] dear, look who got a Grey Dear Paris, | Heckled By Parrots __________________ ——————————————- Mika, White Capped Pionus | [...]
Hey Paris, you can your new parrot in a
Parrot Wrapz.
ummm poor Parrot … i feel very sorry for the bird …Paris has no time for u Jettin here and there all over the world ,,,,soon u will be tossed aside and ignored but then again maybe the household maids and servants will enjoy u and u will more than likely belong to them .. they do need TLC you know
Okay, now this is scary. Think she’ll get a coach? Maybe she’ll go out and buy a new wardrobe to match her new BFF. This isn’t good. But then again, maybe she’ll surprise us. I hope so.
I think we were reading each others minds when we saw the news! Let’s hope Paris will jump on the positive reinforcement band wagon. It would be good for Hank, Paris and perhaps a nice way to get the word out on how to have a GREAT relationship with a companion parrot : )
Why is it that celebs give their pets perfectly normal human names and then give their children names more appropriate for pets?? Although I have to admit, I really like the name Hank for a grey.
Oh my, I hadn’t heard this. I hope things end up better for the bird than I imagine they will…
This “article” is disgraceful and disgusting. Yes, Paris will probably have nothing to do with the bird in less then a month. You used this platform to attack her personally by talking about how “Paris doesn’t like to eat”, how her “corpse will look when she is deceased”, and her catch phrases? Do you not have anything insightful to say other then to bash her for how she looks, or her weight? This article is nothing but a joke. Also, her parrot will probably get more attention, toys, than you could probably ever give your bird. She hired a staff to look after her ferrets, so I am sure her parrot will get staff to look after it as well. You sound jealous TBH.
I named the Parrot “Hank” after my girlfriends Dad, “Hank” wrote her an email saying that she needs to stop hanging out with Hollywood types. Naming the Parrot “Hank” is a reminder to Mr. Hank R-c-o that I am as innocent as a Parrot. Don’t worry Hank, C-r-sa is HUGE!
While I am seriously doubtful that Paris would be up and posting to blogs at 7AM, I love this…”innocent as a parrot”. Innocent indeed, but boy can they innocently make tremendous trouble. I’m adding that saying to my favorites. I know a lot of people who are “as innocent as a parrot”.
[...] I think that when we as people figure out how to appreciate the bits of ourselves that are falcon, parrot, cheetah, dog… we realize the depth and possibility of humanity. However, when we instead layer who we are onto the animals before us, we simply amplify who we are and learn nothing. Such a shame. Everything that is alien and non-human around us has so much to teach us. E.O. Wilson discovered more of what it meant to be human in a thriving warring hill of ants than Paris Hilton will even learn from Tinkerbell, her mini chihuahua in designer duds. (Sorry, Paris. Ever since she bought a parrot I’ve been picking on her a little.) [...]
Paris is very nice i like her